the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
