with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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