There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is it because I queefed?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
