'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
