apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
