i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize