Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
