I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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