I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
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I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
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I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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