yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
