so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
