Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will