DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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