Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!