Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen