My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Send help, water and tortillas.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.