Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
