6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
