We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
