and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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