so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
meet me or not, i'm out of control
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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