You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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