Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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