jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
