i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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