so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
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We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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