im about as happy as oj after his trial
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So vagazzling was a success
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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