I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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