Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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