so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
