Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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