someone owes me an orgasm
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
