She said her name was "party"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
