She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
