I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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