2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
