babies were throwing up all over the place
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
