Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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