I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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