It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
