How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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