im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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