I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
