seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
