the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
