it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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