We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I will pee on everything he values.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
