what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
