I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
