You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
