I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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