I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
