Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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