Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
