Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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