You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
