if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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