so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize