btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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