literally had 100 drinks last night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
