I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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