Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
